Watch: "All That Jedi" injects "Star Wars" with some Bob Fosse dazzle

Luke Skywalker needs his alien milk just like Joe Gideon needs his Dexedrine. At least that's how I like to imagine things in the movie universe playing out in my head. It's no secret that I thought Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi had a lot of problems, and in the months since first watching it my disappointment in writer/director Rian Johnson's film has only grown. As a result, I began creating a mashup in my head, inspired by some of the ludicrous imagery in The Last Jedi (e.g. Rey snapping her fingers to some interpretative dance choreography in front of a mirror...in a cave) to think of how this latest installment would play out in the late Bob Fosse's universe of divine decadence.

Fosse, the celebrated theatre director and Oscar-winning filmmaker, was a consummate creator, always searching for the internal intersection of passion and pain. The (anti)hero of his best film All That Jazz is Joe Gideon, the drug-addled, sleepless and charismatic director/choreographer. In my mind, I began to mirror Joe's quiet disdain (and not to mention internalized annoyance towards people trying to leech off his brilliance) to Luke Skywalker's cantankerousness in The Last Jedi. Then it all clicked for me. I felt inspired. I furiously edited Johnson's film to the tune and energy of All That Jazz. Alas, the cinematic universe of All That Jazz -- where characters dance with death (ahem, the Marry Poppins version of Leia) and shirtless men in black tights become vanishing points on screen (I'm looking at you Adam Driver) -- is the more enticing and interesting framework for this new Star Wars film to exist in.

The Last Jedi might've fucked up the Star Wars series for all we know, but the disappointment is a little easier to handle when you can tap your feet to: "I feel like I could die. Bye bye your life goodbye. Bye bye my life goodbye..."